Euthanasia

This is our old dog Que (kee-a). She has been with us since she was 4 months old, and has been a great dog. She is brave (was a great bear dog - keeping them away from our camps, and chased them without fear, would stand up to anything, but is very gentle with people), loyal, and has been a big part of our life for 14 years. She has traveled everywhere - across Canada as far as Montreal, to Mexico twice, and spent ten summers with us while we planted trees in northern B.C. She has gone after porcupines, and received a face full of quills - in the mouth, and up the nose, and let J take them out with pliers - without anaesthetic. Five years ago she had two huge lypomas removed (weighing almost 4 pounds together). Tough as nails she is.

This spring she started to grow new, huge lumps in her abdomen and chest, which turned out to be a type of haemosarcoma - cancer. We immediately accepted that that was the beginning of the end, and that we might have to consider euthanasia eventually. In July we decided to give her a homeopathic remedy of arsenicum album (10M), which was meant to help her make the decision to let go of life by herself. I was very upset when I gave it to her because I did not want to cause her death. Our veterinarian (who is great) assured me that it would not cause death, but would help Que make the decision on her own. She did not succumb, and still wagged her tail, was interested in her food, and still wanted to go for walks (although she was barely able).

In August, we decided to try the Arsenicum again. As with the first dose, she seemed to improve for a while, but by now the cancer had ulcerated, and a lot of serum and blood was leaking out, so we had to start bandaging her. She kept ripping off the bandages, and eating them (in an attempt to hide her weakness from the world, or out of hygiene - a question unanswered), so we had to put a "lampshade" on her to keep her away from the bandages. The serum smells very foul, and she needs the bandages changed, and the site washed frequently.

In September, we tried another dose of arsenicum, but she still hangs on. She couldn't walk much more than a block by then, and her legs kept failing her, resulting in numerous face-plants.

With every dose of arsenicum, we said that if it didn't work, we would have the vet over to administer a lethal dose of barbituates, but Que did not seem ready to let go, and we don't feel that it is right to force the end on a beautiful creature that does not want to go. I have put animals who where obviously suffering out of their misery before (a cow with a broken back, a pelican with a broken wing - starving on the beach, a couple of very sick hamsters, and various mice and birds that the cats caught and were torturing), but I had no attachment to them, and it would have been cruel to let them suffer. Que shows no sign of being in any pain, and does not seem to be suffering.

Last week I got another dose of arsenicum for her (50M this time), and we have decided that if that doesn't work, we are going to decide to have the barbituates by the end of the week. It remains to be seen if we have the resolve though

My Grandma lived to be 102 years old, and enjoyed pretty good health and strength until she was about 98 (although she was stone deaf, and had only 10% vision in only one eye). She went downhill slowly after that, and beginning around the age of 99 she started to tell me that she was ready to die, wanted to die, and wondered when she would. She eventually made the decision to stop eating, and died about three weeks later. She was well cared for at the end, and did not suffer (she was given morphine patches to eliminate any pain). I would never have made the decision to have her euthanized, so how to make that decision for a creature that cannot speak?